In search of a perfect life that isn’t coming
Being a perfectionist has worked to my advantage in many ways, especially when it comes to working. However, it can also be an exhausting way to live. I always feel like I’m falling short of the ever-increasing standard I expect of myself and the life that I live.
But life isn’t perfect, and as a result, it never feels good enough. It is hard enough to define perfection because you can look at anything and find new flaws. I do it with my physical appearance by constantly finding new ways to improve. “I’d look better if my stomach was flatter, if my skin was clearer, if my nose was shaped differently.” It can go on and on. I do the same with the work I produce, the conversations I have and the memories I make. It has also manifested in my love life by wanting to be the absolute most perfect version of myself before allowing myself to date someone seriously.
Just generally, with life as well, I keep waiting for everything to fall into place to fit this perfect picture I envision of true happiness. I tell myself I’ll be satisfied when I have the best job, the ideal body, a great partner, and the list goes on. But if anything, I’ve realised life often hands you the good and bad simultaneously. Some of my best moments and opportunities have come with hardship following nearby. And even if there are moments where everything seemed perfect, they were often fleeting, and I only realised much further down the line when I looked back.
If you keep looking at life with the need to tweak something into perfection, you will always find something else that requires changing. Perfection is just an idea, and prioritising it means you’re just trying to shoot at a moving target. So I’m trying to appreciate the mess that life is. And realise that I can be happy by appreciating the little things. I think it starts with just enjoying where I am, even if it is good, bad or a weird mix of both.
This pandemic has taught me to roll with the punches rather than sitting with a planner, dictating how exactly everything has to be planned out. Who knows, things could work out even better than expected if I stop strategising everything down to the last detail.
The timing of moments are irrelevant; it’s what you make of the moments that count.
