Illness and mind games, how did I not see the connection before?

I’m beginning to realise just how sensitive my body is to stress. I’ve always been anxious and overthinking myself into oblivion. I tend to drag my feet through life as a result. I figured it was just how I’m wired, but I realise that this may actually be a choice.

I’ve had multiple illnesses, one that’s chronic and still ongoing. All, luckily manageable, but they play up at times. Each has come with its share of additional stress and challenges. And I also struggle to eat when I’m stressed, which has led to me passing out in its more extreme form. In all this time, I’ve directed my frustrations towards my body, not realising that these may all be symptoms of a larger problem; my stress levels are abnormally through the roof more often than not. It’s only when these symptoms play up that I’m forced to rest and attend to myself, almost like my body has to signal it that loudly for me to get the memo.

But I haven’t been getting the memo. For the past 21 years, I’ve been deeming them as additional problems only burdening me more. And I’d like to apologise to my body for that. Especially for the frustration I felt over the abnormality of my situation. I didn’t feel like this combination of inconveniences plagued anyone else around me. And I only made things worse by directing my energy towards questioning “why me?” instead of asking myself, “what’s my body trying to tell me?”

I now understand that given the sensitive relationship between my body and stress, I have to be more attentive. Stress is inevitable, but I’m now actively thinking about controlling what it does to me. I think it’s essential to take the symptoms as a message to relax a little more, almost like a doctor’s note for bed rest or slowing down until recovered. It’s amazing what our bodies can do, and it’s time I start appreciating everything mine has done for me.