Manoeuvring gut feelings and hyperactive thoughts
I’ve always had a pretty strong intuition but an even louder mind. The latter has influenced more of my decisions than the former. It’s hard to listen to gut feelings because overthinking can make the reality of a situation more blurred, and that worst-case scenario feels far more realistic as a result. You start to get confused about what’s within the realm of possibility and what’s just unnecessary worrying.
My gut feelings have never been wrong. However, I lack self-trust, so I tend to doubt that I know what’s best for myself, particularly when I don’t have concrete evidence to back up my feelings.
Last year, I took a risk and willingly listened to my intuition for the first time. I rejected an initial internship offer despite liking the work (I had interned there before) and not having any other internship offers. It was during the initial stages of the pandemic and uncertainty felt heightened. I had a proposed start date in mind but I felt like I would deeply regret saying yes to the opportunity from day one. Bit dramatic, right? I thought so too. But I declined the offer, which was terrifying but felt necessary. On the day I was meant to start, I received another job offer that wasn’t only exactly what I wanted; it was even better. And it ended up being a huge opportunity for me. I knew I would have been incredibly frustrated had I initially said yes just because it was the logical step to take at the time. I didn’t have all the information, but my gut was telling me I eventually would.
The sound of my intuition is slow and calm. It actually sounds more composed than my thoughts. And I can almost feel it coming from my stomach. On the other hand, my overthinking is felt strongly in my head, moving at intense speeds. I can see how the rest of my body tenses as a result because it can just keep going.
Sometimes I feel my gut remind me the scenarios in my head aren’t going to happen and it knows a better outcome lies ahead. But it’s hard to convince your mind to quiet down when you don’t have the data to tell you otherwise. It’s a constant struggle to find a balance between both, and it’s only in true stillness that I can hear the voice of my intuition telling me what I should be doing or feeling about a situation. I’d like to thank it for putting up with the incessant, never-ending thought loops it has to put up with and its many attempts to try breaking this rather strong cycle.
